i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
