Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
