I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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