he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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