This is not my ceiling
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
