Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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