can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
