I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
