not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize