Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
