Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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