the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
