Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
