Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
