I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
