So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
you traded sex for a burrito?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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