he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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