Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
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