Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
