It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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