It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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