Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
