It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
