Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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