yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
