6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
