batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
