hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Randomize
