Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
