Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
two words...techno handjob
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
