I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I think I won the penis lottery.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
