How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
