Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize