he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
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