Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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