Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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