I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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