I hope mine doesn't look like that
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
