honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
