I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize