Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
