you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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