i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
