i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize