Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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