I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
