It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
