if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
