WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Randomize
