You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
