in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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