My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
