I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
he's gonorrhea incarnate
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
