when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
