No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize