He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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