I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
