why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize