The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
