just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
