Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize