i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
