I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Randomize
