ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
