you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
