He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize