I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
