this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Randomize